Contrary to popular belief, the most difficult for young mothers is not the first year of a child’s life, but the period from one year to three. The kid does not sit still, learns to speak, show his desires, and all this, together with the responsibility for his safety and economic troubles, and is very tiring and sometimes irritating to his mother. Can anything be done with this unavoidable fatigue?
- Not a servant
- My own game
- Seven nannies
- Standards of Education
- Mom’s asleep, she’s tired
“I love my little daughter, but I’m very tired of her, I often get irritated, I swear at her, telling her to stop pestering me. Then I feel very ashamed, I feel guilty. I understand that the problem is in me. What to do?”
First of all, it is important to understand that your problem is not exclusive. All parents are tired of their children. To sit with children is a serious and energy-intensive work, to which all forces, both mental and physical, go. Only many parents are embarrassed to admit this. But the surgeon who completed the operation, or the artist, who finished the work on the picture, is not ashamed of his fatigue. In this sense, it’s very good that you have found the strength and courage to admit: I’m tired of my mother’s work.
Here are some “professional” parental secrets. Of course, they will not relieve you completely of the feeling of fatigue, but, I hope, at least a little help.
Not a servant:
I recently observed such a picture: in the sandbox there is a year and a half a year old karamus and is digging something. Then he stretches out his hand to the side, pronounces an inarticulate “Vyak!” – And in his hand, as if by magic, it turns out to be a kerchief or a bottle of water. Mom is worn with a huge bag around the sandbox, because the child does not even try to reach out to her, and to respond to another request, she has to run around the sandbox from one side or the other.
It is clear that such a mother is very tired during the walk. It is also obvious that the child will develop poorly speech. Physical development also slows down. Of course, why learn to speak clearly if the mother and so on understands the intonations of each of your “vyak”! At the same time, both the mother and the child are absolutely happy at this moment: he is the fact that all his whims are immediately satisfied, she is by her selfless “service.
However, it is important to remember: you are not a servant to your child! You are his parent and mentor. You can help in some situation with which the kid cannot cope because of his age. But where he is able to act independently let him act.
My own game:
Play with the child not only in those games that interest him, but also in what is interesting to you. If two people participate in the game, then it should be interesting to both. This rule helps children not only learn to negotiate and cooperate, but also to perceive others as people with their desires and preferences. And it’s your example of a truly passionate game that will allow the kid to learn how to play himself.
Unfortunately, the standards of life in society are now such that women can often engage in a child only while cooking, washing, ironing and washing the sexes. Of course, in this cycle “wiped-squeezed-salted” the child is irritated especially strongly, and the feeling of fatigue comes precisely from the fact that one cannot concentrate on anything.
When preparing a cooking or another cleaning, think about how the child can help you in this process. What part of the work you can entrust to him, so that it is by force and safe. For example, I had a task in my childhood – to make sure that the washing machine correctly drained the water. And I enjoyed watching it every time.
However, remember: a child cannot do the same thing for a long time. With much greater willingness, children will perform several small assignments than one large one.
Standards of Education:
Psychologists say that fatigue often disguises dissatisfaction with the results of work. The same can be said about the upbringing of children. Sometimes we ask ourselves “standards of education” and drive ourselves into a trap, striving to ensure that the child corresponds to our own invented ideals.
It is discontent with the child that makes us “think up” our fatigue. Persuading myself and others that I was very tired, my mother would say: “I do everything I can, and just get out of my power. The fact that something does not work is not my fault. I am a good mother! “.
If you properly understand yourself, if you understand what exactly your child is causing your irritation, and allow yourself not to worry so much about it, your chronic fatigue is likely to back down.
Mom’s asleep, she’s tired:
At times, my mother really gets tired so much that she does not want to see anyone. In this case, you do not have to prevail against yourself (nothing good will come of it anyway), but rest.
First, declare your spouse and children: “I’m tired! I need some rest. Now I’m going to lie down a little, and then we’ll continue.” It is extremely unreasonable to complain about life and do not change anything at the same time. If you say that you are tired, and then go on vacation. And no half-measures!
Determine the time that you can allocate for rest (half an hour, hour), and rest just enough. And for this time, put a veto on communication. If the child is small and you cannot agree with him yet, give him a new interesting toy, turn on the songs, ask the relatives to follow the baby. During the rest, do what you like: someone is asleep, someone is reading. When fatigue is not physical, but emotional, monotonous work, such as washing dishes, helps well.
The prohibition is one: you cannot say a word at this time! Only this will allow you to really relax. A telephone conversation with a girlfriend may distract you, but you will get tired of it too. Silence will become for the child a visual indication of what exactly is your rest. First time he can pester you with questions. If the situation will frighten him – once again, do not hesitate to explain what’s wrong. Over time, the child will get used to, that during the rest, it makes no sense to address you. But after the rest is finished, be sure to listen to him and answer all his questions.
In addition, at a time when you do not relax, the child must “eat” with you. A kid should not lack communication, otherwise he will compensate for this deficit, regardless of any prohibitions. So a very hungry person eats, despite the rules of decency.
And if you learn to harmoniously, calmly and respectfully interact with each other, everything in your family will be fine.